Dear Me,
With the recent events, it’s occurred to me of why I suddenly lose myself into relationships. The letting go of my self-esteem occurs because of the pressure to be loved for my true self. It took me years and years to accept who I was, and I know how hard it would be to do for a counterpart. I feel less lovable and feel my identity threatened; as though I would have to change to be more lovable. Today I realize – I will not change. Someday, someone will love me for my whole self… and they will be a stronger person because of it. I am a highly sensitive person. I have the ability to feel more. I have learned to view this as an ability, and not a disability. I know it is hard for others to do the same… to not just see me as over reacting to small events. As an emotional person, I will have a stronger emotional reaction to negative events… but I also will have a stronger emotional reactions to the positive events. I will not give up my higher level of happiness to suit anyone else. I may have more emotion, but I am also more in tune with myself and my own emotions than other people are. This also allows me the gift of being more in tune with the emotions of others. It makes me a more compassionate, understanding person. I can relate better to others, and also provide better leadership since I am able to gain a better sense of how people will react to certain things. I have accepted that my higher highs come with lower lows. I am not willing to give them up. This is who I am. My ability to feel more gives me a big heart, and allows me to love more. I can love with my whole heart, and my whole self, and give until I have only what’s left that I need for myself. I’m sorry that my ability to feel more also makes me hard to deal with sometimes. I’m not willing to let it go. I want to experience life in all its facets. Life is real. Sometimes it hurts. When it doesn’t hurt, it gives me a lot of joy. I’m not willing to lose my joy and love of simple pleasures to make anyone else more comfortable, regardless of how much I love them. I will not shut myself down, I will not shut myself off. This is me. I am hard to deal with… but I have learned to accept it, and love myself, and realize all of the wonderful abilities it gives to me that other people may not have. Love is genuine acceptance. I have wholly accepted this to be myself and will not change for anyone else. Someone will love me for it someday, too… and understand that my lows are my lows and not theirs. They will help me when they can and/or want to, and let go when they cannot. I will know that when they say they love me, they have genuinely accepted me as well. I hope to share my passion for loving others with them and make them want to be a more compassionate person as well. I am not willing to turn myself off to my world to make myself fit into anyone elses. I will love until I am loved back.
Love times an infitity of googleplexes,
Me <3
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